I haven't written for ages. Not because I don't want to as it happens, but because there is just too much stuff whirling round in my head.
I want to write about my friend whose long running battle with cancer has just become very much worse, and who is in a very bad place. I want to talk about my despair and guilt and sadness, and my fear of what comes next for her, and my sense that I am failing her.
Or about my stepfather who is sad and lonely and devastated by my mothers death, despite being busy with new projects at work and lots of useful activity. I could talk about how I miss her too, and how I think about her a lot, and wish so many things had been different.
I could talk about my son, and how I miss him too, at the moment. A lot.
Or about how I think about my ex every day and wonder how we could have done things differently, done them better.
Could even refer to my stupidly exasperating, but still, somehow, important relationship with the Boy.
All of those things I would like to explore, but I am too tangled up in everything.
I should also say, that within all the anxiety and sadness and fear, there is also a small hopeful part of me that wants attention.
All is not bad you see.
I do not despair.
There are things that make me smile too. Quite a few of them at that.
Normal service will resume soon.
Whatever that is!
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How about a post on the things that make you smile? When I'm feeling like everything around me is crap, writing stuff like that down helps me look at life in a more positive vein, because you're right: all is not bad.
ReplyDeleteOh - what's going on with the bathroom (or should I not ask?)?
Yikes, that gave me a shock seeing a post from you there in my Reader!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that there are good things too and that actually some of the less good things aren't any worse than they were before.
And spring has definitely sprung. I have eaten my lunch out in the garden three times this week and today I even had a little bask (fully clothed of course - it's not that warm).
So good times ahead . . .
There are snowdrops so it must be spring. Stay strong my dear. xx
ReplyDeleteGlad to see that you are back to blogging - even if not very frequently. Please don't disappear altogether. Too many people do that, and it's very depressing.
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