Sorrow

Yesterday was a bad day. For no real reason I felt down, depressed, and tearful all day. Just sad. It didn't help that I was not feeling well, with a sore throat, and swollen glands. But there was nothing in particular to make me feel so low. Sometimes, things just get on top of me. I miss the life I used to have. I feel lonely and alone and not very optimistic about my future. I feel as though the best parts of my life are over, and, while maybe I should just be grateful that I have HAD good times, rather than regretting that those days are gone, sometimes it is hard to stay positive. I miss the intimacy that I had when I had a family. I miss my ex. I miss my lovely son.
So. I went out and trained last night, and felt better, as I knew I would. But then I came home to an answerphone message from an old friend of mine and ex, telling us that her husband had died earlier in the year, and that she had tried to contact us at our London house, but hadn't found us there. She obviously was not aware that ex and I are no longer together. We hadn't even seen this couple for a couple of years before we split up, but we used to spend a lot of time with them when our son was much younger. She ended by saying that she hoped we would be in touch with her soon.
So sad.
I e mailed ex this morning to tell her about it. I know she will be upset. She was very fond of them both, but like me, has lost touch with many of our mutual friends since we split up. Sometimes its hard to keep in touch with people when relationships end. People feel they have to 'chose'. There are mixed loyalties. Often, its easier just to let go. And ex and I took such a long time over the split, that it was impossible to know at what point to tell people. Or even WHAT to tell them. So people we didn't see regularly did not all get told. Messy.
Yesterday was not a good day. Today isn't great either.