Inertia

I am unable to motivate myself much at all at the moment. Long periods of time are spent staring into space, or reading the same page of a book over and over. Obsessively playing Angry Birds and other mindless games, also works. I cannot even bring myself to go to training, and that really is the strangest thing. It is affecting my work. I stare at bits of paper, wondering what to do with them. I cannot think. I don't seem to have access to the bit of me tht knows what to do, how to respond.
I am grieving, I know. Grief is mysterious. It hits me at odd moments out of the blue. If it was constant, perhaps I could deal with it better, but I will be trundling along, fairly calmly and suddenly it just strikes out of the blue. I am not sure any more how to deal with it. The little, less important losses seem as weighty and unendurable as the big ones. This cannot be right.
I want to feel better, I really do, but I can't seem to manage it.
On the outside, I think I seem to be coping. Most of the time. Inside I am just numb.